Never Tell Me the Pods

I have a bad podcast about this. Pranks Paul, James D'Amato, Kat Kuhl, and Johnny O'Mara take a deep dive into Star Wars on behalf of wide-eyed new fans and longtime experts alike.
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I have a bad podcast about this.

Apr 9, 2016

This week, we talk radio.

You can catch more Johnny O'Mara, James D'Amato, and Kat Kuhl on the Campaign Podcast at

Opening and closing music by @samuraiguit.  Logo by @JasonBaesel.  Send questions, comments, and tips to @roguetldr on Twitter.


But for now, it was enough he wasn't flying Solo any more.

Apr 9, 2016

Vidian is the weirdo cyborg we wrote about in the NTMtP 3 notes (a few entries below).  He was Rae Sloane’s boss for a while.

Alan Dean Foster was the ghostwriter of the original novelization of A New Hope.  He also wrote Splinter of the Mind’s Eye, a completely bonkers early EU novel that we talk about in Episode 2 of NTMtP.  He also came back to write The Force Awakens novelization, which makes me very happy.

Anacondans are snakelike creatures from the Clone Wars cartoon.  One of them bartends at a cantina, which is an impressive feat when you don’t have any limbs.

Please help us find Alexandra Bracken’s fan fiction.

Claudia Gray is the author of Lost Stars, our favorite new canon novel.

Dallas is a 1979 and 2012 TV show.  I think James and I might be making a joke about 5E Dungeons and Dragons here?  I don’t know.  Who can tell?

Biggs Darklighter was Luke Skywalker’s best friend growing up on Tatooine.  He has an incredible mustache and was shot down by Vader in the Battle of Yavin.

Rogue Squadron is the Rebel Alliance / New Republic’s premier fighter squadron in the Expanded Universe.  Much of their history is fleshed out in my favorite Star Wars series, X-Wing by Michael A. Stackpole.

Bigger Luke Theory is an absolutely bonkers fan theory based on one shot in A New Hope in which Luke appears slightly larger than normal.  You can read more about it at  May the Force have mercy on your soul.

Gayer Luke Theory is our term for Mark Hamill’s offhand comment that Luke Skywalker may or may not be gay.

Bigger Gayer Luke Theory is a theory that we came up with that there exists a second, larger Luke, who has a crush on Han.

Biggser Gayer Luke Theory is our theory that there exists a second, larger Luke, who has a crush on his childhood friend, Biggs.

Puppy God Han was discussed in our first episode.  It’s the principle that the Legends Han Solo veers between godlike competence and floor-wetting puppy.

The Wookiee porn chair is a reference to a horrible scene from the Star Wars Holiday Special in which Chewbacca’s father, Attichitcuk, receives a chair with special goggles that project a holographic representation of a human woman singing.  Itchy’s expression in that scene makes us all deeply uncomfortable.

Lowbacca is Chewie’s nephew in the Expanded Universe / Legends.  He showed up in the Young Jedi Knights series featuring Han and Leia's twin children -- I misspoke in the episode and called it Junior Jedi Knights, which is a different series about Han and Leia's youngest son.  Sorry about that.

The Wookiee Life Debt is a staple of Wookiee culture.  Chewbacca swore a life debt to Han Solo after Han saved his life, which is why he follows him around.  I later looked it up and found it referenced in new canon in Smuggler's Run, a YA novel by Greg Rucka. (It's also in the book below.)

Star Wars: Absolutely Everything You Need To Know is a new book with a disclaimer in it that confuses the kriff out of us.  We’ll discuss it in a future episode.  The short explanation is that it’s unclear whether it “counts” within the new canon.

The fan theory involving R2-D2 and Chewie that Johnny makes reference to can be found here:


Apr 2, 2016

This week is Ewok week.  I think this one speaks for itself.

You can catch more Johnny O'Mara, James D'Amato, and Kat Kuhl on the Campaign Podcast at

Opening and closing music by @samuraiguit.  Logo by @JasonBaesel.  Send questions, comments, and tips to @roguetldr on Twitter.

"His name is Kettch, and he's an Ewok."
"Oh, yes. Determined to fight. You should hear him say, 'Yub, yub.' He makes it a battle cry."

Apr 2, 2016

Below are the annotations for NTMtP Episode 4 - Ewok on the Wild Side.

Mynocks are the batlike creatures that attack the Millennium Falcon when it flies into the belly of the space slug in The Empire Strikes Back.  They can often be found chewing on the power cables of starships.  In the old EU, they were silicon-based life forms that were allergic to helium.

The Sarlacc is the giant sand monster that Jabba tries to throw Luke and co. into in Return of the Jedi.  Sarlaccs supposedly digest their prey over thousands of years.  In the climax of the battle, Boba Fett famously fell into the Sarlacc pit.  In some versions of the EU, he escapes, only to fall into the pit again.  (I should point out that the Sarlacc doesn’t really move, so this is an impressive feat.)  The Clone Wars depicted a flowery variant of the species on the planet Umbara.

The Fanged God is the embodiment of the Dark Side of the Force in beast form.  It was first depicted in The Clone Wars.  We’ll cover this in more detail in a future segment.

Kiros Birds (and the related species, Convorees) are super cute birds that have goggles on their faces.  GOGGLES.  You should Google them for their goggles.

Kushiban are a cute EU species with color-changing mood fur that has a cultural ban on tool usage.

Caravan of Courage is a 1984 children’s movie that takes place on the planet Endor.  James has an unhealthy love of this movie.  It’s…not very good.  Its sequel, Battle for Endor, has a mysterious Force-using witch in it who can fly.  She was later retconned to be a Dathomiri Nightsister, the same culture we discussed from The Courtship of Princess Leia in our first episode.  We’ll cover Nightsisters in more detail later.  (Caravan of Courage is not canon so far.)

The Wraith Squadron Series is a set of EU books that focuses on a squadron of colorful rejects from the Rebel armed forces.  The pilots in that book are goofy as hell and are always messing with each other.  Note: Wedge is actually the person who tricks Janson into stripping naked, but only after Janson messes with him first.

Mar 27, 2016

This week, we discuss Admiral Rae Sloane, an Imperial Star Destroyer captain who is not a) an old white dude, b) grossly incompetent, or c) murdered by the Rebels or Vader (yet.)  We also delve into Kat's love for Sith philosophy, and Johnny's love of the Galactic Empire.  Garbage puns throughout.

You can catch more Johnny O'Mara, James D'Amato, and Kat Kuhl on the Campaign Podcast at

Opening and closing music by @samuraiguit.  Logo by @JasonBaesel.  Send questions, comments, and tips to @roguetldr on Twitter.


I presume you are acquainted with the collection of half-truths and hyperbole known as Obi-Wan Kenobi?

Mar 27, 2016

Below are the annotations for NTMtP Episode 3 - Sith Happens.  Let us know if you think we should do this regularly!

Aftermath is a book by Chuck Wendig, and takes place just after Return of the Jedi.  Rae Sloane is the main antagonist of Aftermath.  Greg Grunberg’s character from The Force Awakens (“Snap” Wexley) appears as a young child named Temmin.  There is also a homicidal ballet-dancing battle droid named Mr. Bones in the book.

Count Vidian is a new canon Imperial cyborg who also makes use of an imposing voice box not unlike Sad Black Plastic Frankenstein.  He likes to run around the Star Wars galaxy and yell at factories that are behind schedule.  Factories that do not shape up are summarily exploded.  (Vidian is one the Emperor’s favorite people.)  Vidian was also Rae Sloane’s boss for a while.

Admiral Gilad Pellaeon is an Expanded Universe character who Kat is quite fond of.  He served as Grand Admiral (Grandmiral) Thrawn’s second-in-command / Dr. Watson in the Thrawn trilogy by Timothy Zahn.  We covered Thrawn in our first episode.)  Gil is a pretty good bro, really.

Millicent is General Hux’s cat.  Please visit this link.

Korriban / Moraband is the ancient homeward of the Sith in the EU and in new canon.  In the EU it was filled with spoooooky evil ghosts.  It probably isn’t any more.

Darth Bane is an EU Sith Lord who was the founder of the Rule of Two, or the rule that Sith must only consist of a Master and an Apprentice, except for when Palpatine doesn’t feel like following it.

The Potentium is an EU Force philosophy that believes that there is no light or dark side, and that evil merely exists in the user.  The Potentium is stupid.

Darth Plagueis was Emperor Palpatine’s Sith Master who was conducting experiments on the nature of the Force.  His (EU) novel explores the idea that he was responsible for the creation of Anakin.  (Through experiments.  Don’t be gross.)

Mar 16, 2016

We're recording next week!  Stay tuned for more episodes.





allay loo ta nuv

Mar 5, 2016

In our second episode, Johnny O’Mara makes a very controversial statement about Star Wars and James D’Amato makes a lifelong enemy of Neil DeGrasse Tyson.  We also conclude that truth doesn’t exist and discuss space fashion.

You can catch more Johnny O'Mara, James D'Amato, and Kat Kuhl on the Campaign Podcast at

Opening and closing music by @samuraiguit.  Logo by @JasonBaesel.  Send questions, comments, and tips to @roguetldr on Twitter.


I have you now.

Mar 2, 2016

Welcome to Never Tell Me the Pods!  In our first episode, we discuss our favorite Star Wars creations that belong in the trash compactor and discuss the history of the Mandalorians.

You can catch more Johnny O'Mara, James D'Amato, and Kat Kuhl on the Campaign Podcast at

Opening and closing music by @samuraiguit.  Send questions, comments, and tips to @roguetldr on Twitter.


Always in motion is the future.

Mar 2, 2016

We've got a bad transmitter.  I'll see what I can do.

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